For I

A single tear
Rolled down his dark cheek
His mouth quivered
And his voice shook
As he answered the officer’s questions
With a terrified “yes sir” or “no sir”
Their noses
Only inches apart
Did he understand that he matched the description
Of the suspect in a series of campus assaults?
Did he understand that he looked suspicious?
Did he get that one false move could end badly for him?
Did he want to make a move?
Did he want to give the officer an excuse?
Did he know that the officer wanted him to?

Ten minutes earlier
We had strolled across the 7–11 parking lot
In search of a Slurpee
A respite from the heat
Of the August Texas evening
I had crossed Berry Street a child
What happen next stole from me
What was left of my childhood innocence
I had never seen that before
I had never been up close
To a raw abuse of power
And terror
I had never watched a friend
Wilt in fear
As generations of pain
Tore through his heart
And the idea that our times were different
That we had moved on
From the days of firehoses and police dogs
Was destroyed forever

My friend lived that day
He didn’t make a move
He didn’t talk back
He didn’t reach for a wallet
Or a phone
He got to tell his story
He got to finish school
He got to get married
But I know part of him died in that parking lot
Just as part of me died too

I know also that it wasn’t a first for him
Like it was for me
It wasn’t the first time he’d been stopped
It wasn’t the first time he’d been told
That his dreadlocks
Or his brown skin
Made him look “suspicious”
It wasn’t the first time he’d been dared
To make a move
To give an excuse
To justify
My skin had protected me
My whole life
A shield
Behind which my innocence
Had hidden unknowingly
All those nineteen years

I think a lot about that day
Every time we lose a Trayvon
Or an Eric
Or a Michael
Or a Tamir
Or a Philando
Or a Sandra
Or an Ahmaud
Or
Or
Or
I think about the fear I have
When I see that Jacob
Has finally learned to ride his bike
Or that JJ looks so much like a man now
I worry for them
I worry for their mama
I worry what will happen
The first time someone decides
They look “suspicious”
That they are a threat
That they are up to no good
Even when they are only out for a jog
Or gone to the store
To pick up some Skittles

When will it be enough?
When will we stop?
When will young men
Be able to go for a run
Or buy a Slurpee
Free from the fear
That someone might see their skin
As a threat
And just leave them
And their innocence
Be?